joehoyle’s Blog

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Let’s talk relationships

Let’s talk relationships and shit. While it’s not really my topic I feel like I have a lot to say about it, for better or for worse. I can’t say I know much, I don’t have much experience on either relationships or dating but I’m not clueless. Unfortunately I’ve only had two relationships but the first doesn’t really count and my second one was really just a book written by an author with anxiety and depression that left me not wanting to deal with guys for while. But that has past and I know what I like, don’t like and what to compromise. I know that dating someone I’ve hardly talked to is making me anxious because while I appreciate the effort the thought of spending time on something/someone that could turn into nothing/no one sucks the fun out of it. I’ve seen a few guys briefly but either they just wanted me to put out when I didn’t want to or I just didn’t vibe with them. I totally get I most likely need to go on dates but they don’t have to be the text book kinds. I’m fine with grabbing an afternoon coffee or an evening drink. It doesn’t have to be more complicated than that. Simple is good, it takes the pressure off. Dining can come later when you know you’re comfortable with each other. I’m not into going to clubs and getting rubbed on by strangers who just want to hump anything with a vagina and tinder never worked for me anyway. People tell me that I’m young and that I should have fun but their idea of fun is not for me. I just wish I could skip the whole sexually frustrating dating scene and go straight to ordering takeaway on Saturdays and sleeping late on Sundays. I want to be able to watch a movie while eating snacks and not being worried to get a perverted look 15 minutes in. Don’t get me wrong, I think sex is important in a relationship, I just don’t want to feel like it’s forced upon me. I’ve already had the taste of that and I didn’t like it. I don’t expect to meet the man I’m gonna spend my future with at this age but it doesn’t mean I don’t want to have quality dates and relationships till that time comes. But if I do meet my soulmate early on it’s not like I’m gonna fight it. What can I say, I’m the relationship kind. I can only focus on one man at the time which makes me a little anxious because from my experience a man can talk to several girls at a time while I’m his plan B. Is it really so that a man with roughly the same ideas as me just doesn’t exist or hasn’t he emerged from the ashes of fuckboys yet? But yeah, I want to meet someone and have fun with him. It doesn’t have to be long lasting, it can be a summer fling. I just want to have a great time with a great dude who enjoys my company as much as I enjoy his for as long as it lasts. Wouldn’t complain if I end up with someone in the near future I want to introduce to my family though. Let’s see where my boat floats next!
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“A RISING SUPERSTAR

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Lika längtat som alltid åker jag till Stockholm igen på möte och event. Så efter att läst en liten artikel om mig själv vilket känns himla skumt (tror dock hon missförstod mig lite med antalet läsare hihi), inte varje dag man ser sig själv i papperform, och en kopp kaffe hoppade jag på MTR Express mot huvudstaden! Lite kul grej hände på Starbucks dock, satt där i min egna bubbla då jag hör ett gäng engelsktalande snubbar sitter och viskar “om tjejen vid bordet bredvid”. Jag tänkte inte så mycket på det tills två av dem kommer fram och ena säger “My friend is very shy but he thinks you’re very beautiful and wanted so say hi.”, jag tackade och log för vem gillar inte en komplimang liksom, och så fortsätter kompisen “I think you’re very pretty and I was wondering if we could become friends”. Det är ju uppenbart vad “become friends” betydde och jag var inte intresserad så jag tackade för komplimangen och tackade nej. Lyckligtvis tog killarna detta väldigt bra och korsförhörde mig inte heller om varför man inte är intresserad. Hursomhelst, olyckligtvis är tåget fast i Skövde för tillfället pga en personpåkörning i Töreboda… Dom sa i högtalarna att personer är på plats för att undersöka händelsen och att det kan ta upp till 2 timmar så man kan ju gissa hur det gick med personen… Så hemskt, olycka eller inte. Man får ju hoppas att det inte gick så illa som det låter. Om man ska se nåt ljus i mörkret så finns det Wi-Fi ombord på MTR Express, jag har Netflix tillhands som även har lagt till Community och jag har med mig fika.
I’m on my way to Stockholm for meetings and events which is as yearned as always. So after I had read an article about myself in the news paper which feels hella weird (I think she misunderstood me with the amount of readers tho hihi), not everyday you see yourself in paper form, and a cup of coffee later I hopped on MTR Express towards the capital city of Sweden. A funny thing happened at Starbucks tho, I sat there in my own bubble and I hear a group of english speaking dudes sit and whisper ”about the girl at the table next to them”. I didn’t think much about it until two of them approached me and one of the dudes said ”My friend is very shy but he thinks you are very beautiful and wanted to say hi”, I thanked him and smiled because who doesn’t like a compliment, and the friend continues ”I think you are very pretty and I was wondering if we could become friends”. It is obvious what ”become friends” meant and I wasn’t interested so I thanked for the compliment and politely turned down his offer. Luckily the dudes took this vey well and didn’t give me the third degree of why I wasn’t interested. Anyways, now my train is stuck in Skövde because someone has been hit by a train in Töreboda… They said in the speakers that there are people at the location to investigate the situation and it can take up to 2 hours so you can guess how it went for the person… So terrible, accident or not. Let’s just hope it turns out to not be as bad as it sounds. To bring at least some light to the situation MTR Express has free wi-fi, I have Netflix which has added Community and I’ve brought *fika.

anxiety feat. depression

Foto 2015-09-30 16 37 07It’s so hard to get this into words and I tried to write it down but I felt as though as I failed but a picture speaks more than a thousand words so listen to what it has to say. What I’m talking about is something that’s romanticized by youngsters with internet connection, seen as laziness and carelessness by the elders when in reality they’re conditions that are often seen more frequently among young people. I’m talking about depression and anxiety that can make living feeling more like a burden than something to enjoy. I know there are different types but each and everyone of them should be taken seriously.
I think a lot of people can relate to this but is in denial of how they feel or hide it from people because of the bad stigma it has. It’s hard getting by today, especially if you’re in your late teens or in early twenties. I don’t think older people realize how things have changed since they were young and need to see the world through young eyes as well as teens need to stop use these conditions as something poetic and aesthetically pleasing. But we cannot forget about the people who’s older and are getting through this too. Idk, people need to work together and realize we’re all human. Anyone can be stuck in it and can use a hand! Let’s help each other out and become stronger together!

This picture is obviously edited and I’m sorry if I offend anyone, that is not my intention.

ON MY WAY

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Klockan 3 ringde alarmet i morse för jag skulle hinna att packa ihop det sista och åka upp mot Stockholm. Trots det var jag uppe långt innan dess då nerverna kröp under skinnet. Inte direkt för att jag är nervös över att åka till Stockholm, har gjort det så mycket nu så det är bara något jag ser fram emot. Det är just det att igår vid 20.00 fick jag meddelandet från SJ att ett spårfel har uppståt mellan Göteborg och Alingsås – självklart. Så allt som går på räls mellan den sträckan plus en miljard andra resor blev inställda och sånt sätter sån jävla stress på mig. Det kom till och med till nivån att titta på flyg haha. Man kan säga att jag greps av ångest då! Men det löste sig mer eller mindre i sista sekund med att mamma kunde skjutsa mig till centralen så fick jag ta ersättningsbuss till Herrljunga för att där hoppa på tåget mot Stockholm. Jag är så fruktansvärt trött nu dock, sov max 1 timma liksom så jag ser dubbelt nu. Ursäktar också att jag inte la upp några bilder från Alperna igår som jag lovade. Bloggen stötte på mindre tekniska problem och som sagt då att jag fick hetsa som satan med att boka om resan. Hold on tho! Ska bara försöka sova ikapp några timmar på tåget haha…
My alarm went off at 3 am this morning so I had time to pack the last things and go to Stockholm. Despite that I was awake long before that because the nerves crawled under my skin. Not because I get nervous about going to Stockholm or whatever, I’ve done that so many times now that I only look forward to it. It’s just that yesterday around 8 pm I got a message from SJ that there as been a railway error between Gothenburg and Alingsås – of course. So everything that goes on rails between that distance plus a million other trips got cancelled and things like that put so much stress on me. It came to the level of looking at flights haha. One can say I got quite the anxiety at that point! But it got solved at the last minute more or less with my mom driving me to the central station of Gothenburg so I could get on the bus to Herrljunga and then hop on the train to Stockholm from there. I am so tired now tho, I slept like 1 hour so I see double now. I am sorry that I didn’t post any pictures from the Alps yesterday as I promised. The blog stumbled upon minor technical errors and as I said I had to hurry like crazy with booking a new trip to Stockholm. Hold on tho! I’m just gonna catch up some hours of sleep on the train haha…

“BEDBOUND”

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What to do, what to do… I have great things to look forward to tomorrow so I’m not too frustrated about feeling as though something is pulling me down. No need to make a full grown chicken out of an egg tho haha, just gotta brush my shoulders clean and get back up! So stay tuned (: Gonna post part 2 of my The Alps “series” later too!

BLACK ✖︎ GREY ✖︎ WHITE

Foto 2015-09-13 20 14 03Foto 2015-09-13 20 38 41Foto 2015-09-13 20 30 33Foto 2015-09-13 20 33 13Foto 2015-09-13 20 34 56Foto 2015-09-13 20 28 51Nu ser det ju jätteskrytigt ut att jag radar upp 5 olika bilder på Apple och nike men det jag fick helt enkelt beslutsångest. Bilderna har väll egentligen ingen betydelse heller, gillade bara estetiken hihi. På tal om ångest. Det fick jag en rejäl dos av när jag införskaffade mig min MacBook Pro som jag ändå hade sparat till med god marginal och jag behövde verkligen en ny dator. Det finns inte mycket som stressar upp mig så som pengar gör vilket jag tycker är hemskt, att man är vara så styrd av ekonomi. Inte för att jag är snål och håller stenhårt i pengarna, däremot har jag fått känna på hur det är att både vara arbetslös en längre tid och ha väldigt lite pengar på kontot. Då hade jag ju turen att bo hemma så mat och diverse nödvändigheter fanns ju till hands vilket jag är väldigt tacksam över men ack vad värdelös och waste of air jag kände mig. Så när jag äntligen kom igång och jobbade och får in lön varje månad så jag kan köpa saker jag länge velat ha och inte minst faktiskt kan känna “det här har jag jobbat för och jag förtjänar detta”. Men ah, den där ångesten att pengarna inte kommer räcka (även om jag vet att det kommer dom) ligger ännu kvar i bakhuvudet och gnager. Nu menar jag inte att ge ifrån mig ett “kom och tyck synd om mig” intryck för det vill jag verkligen inte, haha! Jag vet att pengarångesten kommer försvinna och min dåvarande arbetslöshet är inte något att gnälla över då det finns större problem.

I know it looks like I’m bragging with posting 5 different pictures of Apple and Nike but I just got decision anxiety (?). The pictures don’t serve any purpose either, I just liked the aesthetics hihi. Speaking of anxiety. I got a hearty dose of that when I bought my MacBook Pro even though I had saved up for one with marginal and I really needed a new computer. There isn’t much that stresses me in the way money does which I think is awful, how controlled you are by economy. Not that I am a cheepskate or hold my money too tight, i’ve just got a good taste on what it feels like to both be unemployed for a long time and have very little money in the bank. I was lucky enough to live at home so I always had food and various necessities which I am very thankful for but oh I felt so worthless and a waste of air. So when I finally started working and got paid every month so I could buy stuff I’ve wanted for a long time and to finally feel “I’ve worked for this and I deserve this”.  But yeah, the anxiety that I don’t have enough money (although I know they will) still gnaws in the back of my head. I don’t mean to give you the ‘come and feel sorry for me’ impression because that’s not my intentions at all, haha! I know that the money anxiety will disappear and my former unemployment is not something worth whining about since there are bigger problems.